Regrets

In our society, we talk about mistakes and learning from them, but that is different from regret. The dictionary defines regret as “a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over an occurrence or something that one has done or failed to do.” When we regret something we have done, we feel guilty. While some people are guilt-ridden, many others believe that guilt is pointless and debilitating. It is considered a “psychological failing.” To dwell on the sins of one’s past is seen as “unhealthy.”

Contrast this with St. Augustine. In his book ‘Confessions’, he says he was only able to know the Joy of Christ by turning away from a life of sin. As a young adult, Augustine lived a rather wild life where he partied a lot, attended gladiatorial games, kept a mistress, and even fathered an illegitimate child. One day, as he walked into a garden feeling hopeless and guilt-ridden, he seemed to hear a child’s voice telling him to read the Scriptures. He read St. Paul’s letter to the Romans where he stumbled upon the following verse: “Let us live honorably as in the day, not in reveling and drunkenness, not in debauchery and licentiousness, not in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” ~ Romans 13:13-14. He instantly underwent a deep spiritual change and later became a priest, bishop, philosopher, and one of the greatest saints of the Church. Without regret for what he had done, Augustine would have never been open to the healing power of God’s grace.

Without awareness of sin, we tend to worship what Scripture calls the “pride of life.” We think that we should live life “our way.” As long as we are determined to live life our way, we cannot live life God’s way. My tryst with cheating in exams was undoubtedly a regretful moment. I was filled with guilt and shame but slowly yet surely sought to make amends for my mistake. Regret for my actions prompted me to change my life around. I believe that if I were indifferent to my actions, I would have never allowed God to work in my life to change me.

Another aspect that has often filled me with regret is the many occasions on which I have failed to do something that I should have done. Be it the numerous times when I haven’t seen a patient who has traveled hours for a consultation, or the times when I haven’t stood up for those without a voice, or the times I have wasted on social media rather than spending time with the less fortunate, or the times I have shown poor civic sense by failing to dispose of my garbage properly.

Reflecting on these regrets has taught me to be more compassionate and sensitive to the needs of others. In order to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ,” we have to constantly turn our lives over to God. This is a lifelong and constant process. We are continually brought back to God through feelings of regret.

The road to heaven is paved with regrets. Those who never feel guilty or sorry for what they have done are destined to become slaves of their desires. People might say they are “happy” with the unholy lives they lead, but I highly doubt it. Nonetheless, it is not the life God wants us to lead. So let us be wary of those who come in sheep’s clothing, telling us that there is “no point to having regrets.”